I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
