I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
this beer tastes like vomit already
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I have already put on my inside pants.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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