So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
