did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
