we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
