i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
