Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
