Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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