She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Randomize
