you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
