You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
