I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize