does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
