If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize