She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
