I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
