You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
