I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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