Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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