Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
