matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
