Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
