dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
