New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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