Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
be right there i have to get my cape
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
