we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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