I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
