My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
