but the lizard people decide everything anyway
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The Olympian is in my bed
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
