Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
