well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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