She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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