Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
