I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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