I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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