I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
