I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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