In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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