if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
