If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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