There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
