Your mouth is God's brothel.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if only i could text you this smell
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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