im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
