Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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