Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
return my video game
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We have started to decorate penises.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
