Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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