How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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