I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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