I just cut my nipple shaving
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
