I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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