I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
