tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize