Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
