so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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