if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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