Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
