So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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