ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm too high and old for this...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
