he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
