If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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