I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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