Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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