I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
