I just saw a hot homeless man
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
