Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
