It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
